we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
