i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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