i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
