I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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