I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
