does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
