what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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