do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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