There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
