i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
