can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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