did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
