What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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