A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
