If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dick has a subreddit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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