is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
