smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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