If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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