Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
