you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
