i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
