Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
