Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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