you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize