drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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