U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
