One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
