Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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