WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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