yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
