Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
