It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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