you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
