Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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