My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just google imaged poop.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
