The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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