is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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