I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
