1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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