I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
