I think my vagina is haunted
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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