Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
