the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
