I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
