No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
