Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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