peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
