Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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