That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.