It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave