their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok