I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet