We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs