Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
