I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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