i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
