You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize