I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am available for nakedness
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