I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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