i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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