Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe