I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man