upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
