For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
