You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.