I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.