Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.