AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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