he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
