I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
