she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
