You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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