I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
