I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
