I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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