doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
