Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
