I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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