i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
