I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
