saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
