It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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