I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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