i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
